I have a lot on my mind.
I’m going to distract myself by talking about Christmas shopping and how we’ve done all of Deven’s. Over the weekend we went to Toys R Us and used the last of our merchandising credit to get Deven a couple of things, as well as something for Yalena. We got him a giant bag of blocks, the first step to Legos. I know, they’re going to be strewn about our living room, but it’s to plant the Lego seed. We want him to be prepared for that Christmas when he opens his first Star Wars Lego set.
We’ve decided to only get our kids 2 or three gifts for Christmas every year. We don’t want them to associate Christmas with the surge of everything they could possibly want for absolutely no reason at all. We’re not Christians, we’re just caught in the inertia. Christmas, to me, should be more about spending time with your family, eating delicious food, decorations, enjoying the weather, and being thankful that we all get to be together. I want to save the big day of spoilage for their birthdays. They should be excited about the one day reserved for celebrating the day they were born, and the fact that they are here another year.
As for everyone else, just you wait. On the financial front, cutting down our cable bill and the nice chilly weather has helped us a bit. Doesn’t help us that this will be quite possibly the tightest week of our life (less than $30 to last us until next monday), but at the end of the month if we don’t go insane it’s helps us acquire a little extra grocery money. At Vance’s work they’re about to ship out a new version of their software, and they will be making it at the same time that they are shipping it off, so what that means is crazy overtime. I won’t see my husband for a good 3 weeks, but we’ll be somewhat comfortable until things go back to normal. Also, this month his vacation gets paid out. Y’all know how many of those we’ve taken this year. Ohhh yeah, big bucks.
I really need to go to bed. Tomorrow I take the last 2 tests required for me to finally no longer be considered a failure. I am fine for the english/writing test. I even wrote a practice essay. It’s the math that I am insanely nervous about. Vance has been helping me study, and by study I mean teaching me everything, three nights a week for the last month. We missed the week of Thanksgiving, which was abig mistake. All of this week we’ve studied every night. I’ve taken all of these practice tests, and in a lot of areas there is absolutely no retention, especially in Algebra. We spent 8 hours today studying. Just sitting at the table studying. I took the last test, did horribly on it, and we both just said “fuck it”. The test will be considerably easier than what was in the study guides. If Ifail, I will bury my head in the sand and give up on ever going to college.
Please, wish my luck.
On an even sadder note, today is marks 5 years since my mom passed away. I think about this thing that I’m about to do,and how much it meant to her that I did this. I remember arguing with her, being the selfish brat that I was, telling her that if I did do this it wouldn’t be for anyone but myself, and she begged me to do this one thing for her. The in the end it really does just benefit me but it would have made her proud. So, if I nail this tomorrow, I am going to dedicate it to my mom, who I miss a lot. Everyday.
And now I am finally going to bed.