Giving in.

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I’m just going to get my nightly child rant out of the way: GOD, you guys, being a parent is just shitty sometimes. When you have a strong-willed kid like Deven, who has inherited both his mom’s unwavering stubbornness and determination, and his dad’s fiery temper, you try SO HARD not to give in to his tantrums and persistent demands. But as he is kicking and throwing his entire body weight against the door, you realize he is also CRYING HYSTERICALLY at the same time, and you start to feel like an asshole for ignoring his tears, and you start to worry that he’s going to a) hurt himself from repeatedly body-slamming a large inanimate object, and b) that he is going to be emotionally scarred from being ignored by his parents. And then you remember the crib-sleep training when he was 6 months old. This heartless beast left her baby in his crib to cry and scream for several hours before he finally fell asleep just so that she could no longer risk rolling onto her child and suffocating him to death, also so she could regain her sanity by getting longer stretches of sleep in. Yeah, so, as a result, the kid came out an independent self-soother who sleeps alone through the entire night with no issues, YOU HAVE STILL DONE IRREPARABLE DAMAGE TO YOUR CHILD’S FRAGILE PSYCHE. HE WILL NEVER FEEL SAFE OR LOVED!

And the absolute worst part is when he responds to one parent over the other. Vance is able to look at him, tell him how it’s going to be with very few words, and then the screaming is over. Way to make me feel like a fuckin failure. And I’m supposed to have another?

I didn’t even want to post about my kid tonight. I had a whole other subject in mind, a fun subject, about makeup and hair and shit, but this day has just sucked the life and fun right out of me. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Failure is NOT an option

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I’m here. I almost entirely forgot to post for the night. I was too wrapped up in folding baby laundry, and, of course, the Oscars! It was a good show. I am grateful I got off work early enough to watch it. Very pleased with the outcome, meaning, The Social Network didn’t win anything really important, and Christian Bale won for The Fighter. Now, it’s really late, and the dreaded Capt. Redbeard (my cute pet name for Vance) really wants me to turn out the light so he can sleep. I promise a more detailed update tomorrow. Night all!

thirty-seven

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I’m doing pretty good with this whole daily posting thing, yes? Okay, so it’s only been a little over a month, but if you consider my track record with prior posting commitments, I think this is notable. I’m still fully committed to posting everyday, even when I am in the hospital dilating, and then when I am up all night sobbing hysterically over a lack of sleep and sanity. Those posts will be the most entertaining, my friends :)

Today I managed to get my butt out of the house by myself for some pampering. I needed it. I needed out of my house alone so badly because the mess and the smelly litter box were driving me insane. The living room was so incredibly messy thanks to our experimental three year old. He has been attempting to line up large toys in a Tetris-type fashion along the couch and at the base of the stairs. He’s also been gathering like toys in various bags and other containers. I hate, HATE having a living room that doubles as a playroom. I never thought that we could out grow a 3 bedroom apartment, but we have. We have tons of hobbies, crap, and, of course, a kid. All of that spells CLUTTER. That last one alone means you should reconsider raising a family if you suffer from some form of claustrophobia.

Anyway, I left the house. I set an appointment first thing this morning at the Regis salon in the mall. I have wanted to get a haircut for a while, but was unsure if I should because my body and my face are so very different right now. I wanted to try and grow it out, but not cutting it was leaving hideous dead ends and hair that was becoming more and more boxy and heavy the longer it got. So I decided I wouldn’t cut it short (way to make me look FATTER when I’m pregnant) but I would add more shape and layers. The result:

I gots a haircut

Totally worth the trip through retail hell, totally worth the money spent. I love the way the layers frame my face, I love how light my hair feels now, I love, love the feel of fresh-cut, dead-end free hair :)

Now I actually feel like a pretty pregnant woman, as opposed to a frumpy, obviously exhausted one. I am still exhausted, but now at least I have nice hair.

I was having fun with the camera, so I decided to photograph my growing belly at 33 1/2 weeks:
33 wks, 3 days

And then I DROPPED the camera on the ground, breaking it. The lens is all screwed up, and won’t retract, so the camera refuses to consider working. So no more camera. I suggested that Vance make a new camera my “push present,” but he’s all, “you don’t need a damn reward for pushing a baby out!” And I’m all “OH NO YOU DIDN’T! I guess YOU don’t need CLEAN UNDERWEAR either!”

And so there is that. Hopefully we’ll get a new camera with our tax return. I can’t fathom not having a camera with the new baby here, or even with all of the new stuff going on with Deven lately. This stuff is important, and I want tangible reminders of this time in our lives.