The events that occurred yesterday at a midnight premiere of The Dark Knight Rises were unbelievably tragic and shocking, but we have to remember what those people in that theater were there for: To be the first to take part in the end of a fantastic franchise. Vance and I went to a late showing last night. It was in the back of my mind, but it would have been silly to let that deter us from seeing this movie. Sure, I had this eerie feeling that maybe the timing is wrong, that maybe we shouldn’t see the movie this weekend. Maybe we should take the weekend to reflect, but then I got over it. We don’t get to go the movies very often, and Vance’s mom is in town, so we had a baby sitter. Who knows when that is going to happen again? Besides, nothing, and I mean NOTHING, was going to keep me from seeing Christian Bale in the batsuit on a 17 ft tall screen this last time. It’s just too important to me.

I’m a huge fan of the other 2 movies and of Christopher Nolan’s work, so perhaps I am already biased, but OH MY GOD I LOVED IT. I am of that camp, the “I would have sex with this movie if this movie were human, or if I was a movie, it don’t matter to me” camp. Vance is on the “I don’t get what the big deal is, it was just decent” camp. His reasoning doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to me, and it bothers me that he can like some movies a whole lot, a lot of really terrible movies, and then not like this one. For that reason, we’re no longer friends.

But plot wise, it did everything I wanted it to do. It kept me on my toes, quivering with anticipation until the end. Not very many movies do that to me. It was so much more than just an action/suspense/thriller, and I want to tell you everything about it, but I also want you to JUST GO SEE IT so we can talk about it. So I’m going to stop talking about the story before I let something slip and ruin everything for everyone.

BANE. I want to talk about Bane. That’s okay, right? Let me just get this out there: I am so glad they decided against making Bane look like a Luchador like he did in the comics. I think costumes are ridiculous enough as it is, but Bane just looks genuinely terrifying in his giant coat and face muzzle. Tom Hardy is a fantastic actor, but I tend to worry about him. His only memorable roles are the ones where he is huge and/or terrifying (as in Bronson, or Star Trek: Nemesis). Like, do you even remember that he was in Inception or that romantic comedy with Reese Witherspoon and Chris Pine? THATS THE SAME GUY. Only he went on a diet of protein shakes, testosterone, and pure fucking rage to triple in size and become Bane. Half of his on-screen hugeness comes from this intensely powerful presence. Tom Hardy might only be 5’10″, but what he lacks in size, he makes up for in charisma and intimidation and sex. Seriously though, he’s hot and does such a convincing job of playing manipulative and psychotic, it’s hard not to imagine him being that way in real life. Like, I don’t know him (obvs), but if I get the sense that I shouldn’t want do much more than have dirty sex with him in a dark, dank abandoned building, and then never ever try to contact him again, because to pursue that ish any further means he will fuck me up mentally, and emotionally, and physically. It aint worth all that.

WOW. I don’t know how we ended up there. But yes, performances in the film are fantastic. Christian Bale is Christian Bale, and Christian Bale is synonymous with ‘awesome.’ He sets the standard. I loved this interpretation of Selina Kyle, and I love Ann Hathaway. I loved that Cat Woman actually had a story, and wasn’t just a chick with a dickhead boss who got bit by a bunch of cats. Joseph Gordon-Levitt will never be anything other than that kid from 3rd Rock From The Sun. Sorry.

Go see this movie as soon as you can so you can form your own opinion and write your own terrible review. I give this movie 9/10 scary face muzzles. Thats a good thing!