I have been writing this post all about our anniversary, which was last Saturday, for the last 5 days. It was open on my computer this entire time, right up until today when I gave up on it. I had this grand plan for it in my head, how I was going to write about how riding a horse is a metaphor for life and relationships, and somehow tie it in to mine and Vance’s life, and blah blah blah. I just got stuck somewhere. I was able to open Word and write this long, cohesive post about something else entirely that I wasn’t intending for anyone to see, but I couldn’t recap how we spent our anniversary. It was just coming too scatterbrained and forced. That’s not how writing should be. For me, writing is expression, and that means it doesn’t always need to be perfect. But it does need to make sense and be finished.
So there is no long post about our 5 year anniversary, which was a week ago now, but you all do deserve to know something about it. Here you go:
We went horseback riding on a ranch in Bertram. Vance’s horse was tiny, mine was gigantic, I got motion sickness, hilarity ensued. But I still had fun, and I still love riding horses. I think next time I will probably request a smaller horse. Here is a picture for your enjoyment:
Really, does it need to be all poetic and lyrical and shit? Do I need to gush over our life and how we spend it and how beautiful things are in order for a post to be readable? No, not if it ends up contrived.
I am trying my hardest to get used to the act of sitting down and writing on a regular basis. I am in the process of earning a degree in Journalism, a profession that revolves around writing. This is my practice. I am hoping I can just sit down and write with ease and have gold and perfection flow from my fingertips like it’s nothing. For now, it’s about wanting to sit down and hoping that it comes out comprehendable. Sometimes, like right now, I am really fucking tired when I sit down to do this.
I am just going to be brutally honest here: I don’t like my kids in the morning. I also don’t like the sunshine, noise, my spouse, really anything or anyone most mornings.
I’ve been battling a cold that’s causing thick mucus to build in the back of my throat and my attempts to cough it up have been keeping me up until 1 or 2 in the morning. It’s the most annoying thing ever. I wake up an hour before my alarm is set to go off to the baby crying from his crib. I put him in my bed, nurse him, and then he proceeds to crawl all over my face and knock things off my of nightstand, disgustingly happy about it the entire time. Then every morning like clockwork, Deven runs into our room, crawls into the bed, and might or might not go back to sleep, depending on how excited his brother is to see him.
When we finally go downstairs, it’s non-stop noise, the most obnoxious high-pitched squealing and crying you have ever heard coming out of a four-year-old’s mouth, all in the name of trying to communicate with his brother. Of course, this just annoys Archer so much he cries. My head throbs, so I yell at him to stop — yes yell, as my patience is paper thin in the morning — and my voice is too hoarse from the phlegm. It’s so frustrating.
And I ask him to get ready, and he argues. I tell him to get ready, he argues some more. I tell him anything and he just argues with me.
Any other time of the day, they are greatest things on the planet, but the mornings definitely make this a tedious job. For all I do for them, I think I have the right to vocalize my frustrations with hands-down the most contentious time of the day.
This article discusses the controversy (to call it that kind of trivializes the whole thing) behind the Chris Brown incident and questions whether Rihanna is playing a part in further corrupting the already dangerously fragile minds of the modern young female. Let me just clarify: I’m not a feminist by any means, I am a staunch individualist. I don’t believe anyone should ever have to live their lives and make decisions based on anyone else’s standards surrounding their race or gender. I do, however, believe in someone paying for their mistakes (again, trivializing), and obviously, aside from a little bit of community service, Chris Brown hasn’t even had to so much as really apologize for beating the ever-loving shit out of his very famous girlfriend. Seeing as he is a public figure, and therefore, supposedly held to a higher standard, the guy should have been shut-out for at least a decade, if not for good. Instead, like with Michael Vick and Ben Roethlisberger, all was forgiven, and he could go back to being a millionaire. What happened to responsibility?
I’m not even into the whole “role-model” business, but as that article pointed out, there are young women out there saying this douchebag “could beat me up anytime.” They can’t possibly understand what they are saying. It is not helping that Rihanna is recording and performing with her assailant, which sends out the message that it’s okay everyone! “I’m not only going to talk to the guy that mangled my face, but I’m going to help him make more money!” I don’t understand it. Chris Brown fans, if you can even read all of these words, can you help me understand how this is okay? Explain it to me? And please use actual words and not “u”or “b” and “dis” if you can.
All I am getting out of this is that your actions don’t matter as long as you are entertaining. We’re putting money and fun ahead of morality. And it’s worse that it involves 2 public figures on either side. What’s next? It’s okay that you killed that kid because you make beats that make me wanna move. It was already okay that those two scumbag football players raped that woman and abused those dogs because it’s fucking football, and in America nothing takes precedence over football. Except crappy music. And the examples don’t even end there.
I don’t like to sit here and make the claim that people are stupid, because I honestly don’t believe that. Human beings are prone to missteps and misinterpretations, and to err is extremely human. And to claim that other people are stupid is to suggest that you believe yourself to be smarter than everyone else, and I don’t believe that about myself. Observing the things happening in the world and our access to information against incidents like these makes me believe the world is entering a new era of ignorance. People are becoming brazen about the choice to not acknowledge or flat out ignore certain unpleasant facts. It doesn’t matter as long as we’re having fun. What’s happening to the world?
I’m not even sure I want to understand any of this.