When I was growing up, I wanted to be so many different things; an artist, an actor, doctor, writer, pretentious independent film maker, lawyer, etc. The list can go on for days, and I don’t think I ever laid down any serious plans to make any of those careers happen. There was, however, one job that I always wanted to do, one role that I always knew I would fulfill: I was going to be a mom some day. I didn’t know if I would ever be famous, or ever amount to anything to anyone else, I didn’t even know if I would get married, but I knew I was going to be someone’s mom.
It happened at a time that most people wouldn’t consider “ideal.” I had no education, not even a high school diploma, I was working as a pizza delivery driver (a rather large step down from assistant manager), an my relationship with my boyfriend wasn’t exactly going smoothly. Things could have been worse, as I could have been a teenager, or I could have gotten knocked up by someone I didn’t care about enough to fight with on a regular basis, but things still were not exactly ideal. What I didn’t realize was that this unexpected occurrence was exactly what I needed.
Having a kid meant I couldn’t coast my way through life looking for ways to just stay afloat anymore, I had to become serious about where I was headed and what I actually wanted to do. It wasn’t just going to be about me anymore, and if I wanted my kids to have a better life than I had growing up, I had to make changes. I did what I never thought I would actually do; I married Vance, and thank goodness I did. I got my GED, I chose a career path, and I have been working on getting my degree since then.
Had it not been for Deven, I don’t think my life would be that much different than it had been. It was too easy to say “I’m getting by just fine as it is” even though “getting by” meant working menial jobs in pizza and retail. Nothing I did in my life had meaning, and I wasn’t interested in giving it meaning. I was never enough of a reason to try and achieve any goals or dreams, I needed another reason entirely. I found that reason the day I became a mother.
They’re so small, and there isn’t a whole lot that they can do for themselves, but I feel like they have done so much for me. I am so incredibly thankful to my sons, especially my first-born, for giving me so much purpose that I didn’t think I would ever be able to find anywhere else. I owe them so much, which is why I am working so hard to get my degree, so that I can earn enough to provide them with a decent home and every opportunity to succeed. I never want them to be unable to look to themselves for the reason to succeed.
Of course, I can’t get by just thanking my kids. I have to thank Vance, because without his unwavering support, I wouldn’t be to take care of my kids or go to school, let alone do them both at the same time. He’s my partner and my best friend, and I can’t imagine a better man to be my kids’ dad.
We don’t own a house yet, I’m not nearly done with school, and we don’t make a whole lot of money, but man are we lucky. I look around at my life and the people that are in it, and I think I must have done something pretty good to someone to get to be mom to these kids and wife to this man.