Category Archives: marriage

Mother’s day

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When I was growing up, I wanted to be so many different things; an artist, an actor, doctor, writer, pretentious independent film maker, lawyer, etc. The list can go on for days, and I don’t think I ever laid down any serious plans to make any of those careers happen. There was, however, one job that I always wanted to do, one role that I always knew I would fulfill: I was going to be a mom some day. I didn’t know if I would ever be famous, or ever amount to anything to anyone else, I didn’t even know if I would get married, but I knew I was going to be someone’s mom.

It happened at a time that most people wouldn’t consider “ideal.” I had no education, not even a high school diploma, I was working as a pizza delivery driver (a rather large step down from assistant manager), an my relationship with my boyfriend wasn’t exactly going smoothly. Things could have been worse, as I could have been a teenager, or I could have gotten knocked up by someone I didn’t care about enough to  fight with on a regular basis, but things still were not exactly ideal. What I didn’t realize was that this unexpected occurrence was exactly what I needed.

Having a kid meant I couldn’t coast my way through life looking for ways to just stay afloat anymore, I had to become serious about where I was headed and what I actually wanted to do. It wasn’t just going to be about me anymore, and if I wanted my kids to have a better life than I had growing up, I had to make changes. I did what I never thought I would actually do; I married Vance, and thank goodness I did. I got my GED, I chose a career path, and I have been working on getting my degree since then.
Look at his sweet face!

Had it not been for Deven, I don’t think my life would be that much different than it had been. It was too easy to say “I’m getting by just fine as it is” even though “getting by” meant working menial jobs in pizza and retail. Nothing I did in my life had meaning, and I wasn’t interested in giving it meaning. I was never enough of a reason to try and achieve any goals or dreams, I needed another reason entirely. I found that reason the day I became a mother.

They’re so small, and there isn’t a whole lot that they can do for themselves, but I feel like they have done so much for me. I am so incredibly thankful to my sons, especially my first-born, for giving me so much purpose that I didn’t think I would ever be able to find anywhere else. I owe them so much, which is why I am working so hard to get my degree, so that I can earn enough to provide them with a decent home and every opportunity to succeed. I never want them to be unable to look to themselves for the reason to succeed.

Of course, I can’t get by just thanking my kids. I have to thank Vance, because without his unwavering support, I wouldn’t be to take care of my kids or go to school, let alone do them both at the same time. He’s my partner and my best friend, and I can’t imagine a better man to be my kids’ dad.

We don’t own a house yet, I’m not nearly done with school, and we don’t make a whole lot of money, but man are we lucky. I look around at my life and the people that are in it, and I think I must have done something pretty good to someone to get to be mom to these kids and wife to this man.

 

 

 

 

Looking back

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Spring break is over, everybody! I never thought I would be so excited to see it end. Having a kid in school makes a huge difference. I would probably feel differently if I were the one in school. What did we do this week? Well, we mostly hung out around the house, went shopping, and cleaned poop out of underwear, which is so different and so much more disturbing than cleaning poop out of a diaper. That is definitely something we need to continue working on. Other than that, we mostly stayed home because, well, doing anything fun during spring break usually means sitting in long lines and dealing with ridiculous crowds, and that is just not something I am up for when I am 9 months pregnant.

Speaking of pregnancy, I am almost 37 weeks, which means I almost certainly cannot go a post without mentioning pregnancy at least once. You wanna know what I was doing moments before I opened up my laptop and began typing this entry? I was bouncing my big fat as ass on an exercise ball to help get the little guy into optimal position. It seems a little early to try and get things moving, but…fuck, pregnancy is uncomfortable and I want nothing more than for it to be over.

Earlier, I was looking through some old pictures of Vance and me from the very early days of our relationship. I mean early, like when we were not sure exactly what we were doing except having prohibitive amounts of (devious) fun. I’m talking 2005. And now I want to talk about it. I want to relive it, because that year was one of the most fun years of my life, and it pretty much ended up changing the course of my life.

So, it begins with 3 relationships ending/beginning/ending/ beginning in the course of a few months. My dating history can be seriously be summed up in a single year, that’s how fast I would tend to move. I had been dating my first boyfriend for over a year, close to a year and a half, when I decided to finally kick him to the curb. It was simple: I wanted to move out of my brother’s house, he didn’t, I wanted to progress in my life, he didn’t. And he was gross and would do really disturbing things, like, pee in the sink when the toilet worked just fine. So I dumped his ass. Very shortly after that, I started dating a guy from work (which was at Papa Johns. I was a shift leader.) He was weird and flaky, and had more female friends than I think any female brave enough to date him would feel comfortable with. A little over a month later, he broke up with me, saying he just wanted to “date” me, and not be so serious. Not surprisingly, I heard from numerous people that he slept with a female friend or two the next day. What is surprising is that I did the same thing with Vance. Too much?

I had met Vance a couple of years earlier when I was living in Houston with my first ex. This is the connection: He was my ex-boyfriend’s sister’s boyfriend’s best friend. I liked him instantly. Strangely enough, I found out he had moved to Austin around the same time we had. We kept in contact over the internet and whatnot. I invited him to my 20th birthday party, which took place like a week before ex #2 broke up with me. After ex #2 broke up with me, I found solace and comfort in my new friend. He and I decided to start “seeing” each other on less than serious terms. What’s funny is how over time we started seeing each other all of the time to where we were together constantly. Of course things got serious. Duh.
Old (young) me

Look how skinny. I totally rocked the hot metal nerd chick look.

During this epic summer, we saw Opeth at Stubb’s BBQ. Opeth is an obscure Swedish progressive metal we just both happen to like in ridiculous amounts. We had floor seats to System of a Down, which turned out to be one of the best concerts we have ever been to. We floated the Comal river on two separate occasions, suffering some of the worst sunburns we have ever experienced.
Old (young) Vance

Look at how skinny he was! And you can totally see his face!

We would stay up all night talking about anything and everything. Vance and I had so much in common from the very beginning, from our musical tastes, our strikingly similar physical appearances, to our issues with our fathers and upbringings. He was becoming one of my best friends, because I could share more things with him than I could with anyone else, including my best female friends. How could we not end up serious?
Vancey pants

My cute boyfriend.

By the end of the summer, Vance and I decided to stop fucking around and just admit that we were together all the time because we wanted to be. We officially became a couple. And now, almost 6 years later, we are married, have the most amazing little boy in the world, and are about to spawn a second time. It is amazing to think of where we started. And now look at us!
Vance and Janette 2009

Come on, you wish you and your spouse were this sexy.

 

4 years

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It’s late, and I am tired after that ROUSING game of Star Trek Monopoly I played with Vance and my brother (I lost.) I’m down to the wire, and I’m not sure I have it in me to write out that touching retrospective I was talking about in yesterday’s post. Oh well, I guess I’ll just talk about what we did.

My brother came over to watch the child, and we went out for a late-ish dinner (After 7, when we usually eat around 5.) I was STARVING. Our first pick was Chuy’s, and of course, this being Round Rock, this late in the week NO ONE wants to eat in their own homes. The wait for a table was 35-45 min. I wanted to cry. I didn’t have a second pick lined up. Luckily, I remembered my second favorite Mexican restaurant, which was considerably less busy. We stuffed ourselves on chips and queso, and I was able to eat 2 bites of each item on my combination platter. My brother ate the rest when we brought it home. I was looking forward to those leftovers, but oh well. I remember it being delicious.

(Tonight was a win for my brother. He won at Monopoly, and he got to eat our delicious Mexican leftovers.)

On the way to the restaurant, Vance and I talked about how when we started dating over 5 years ago, we never imagined we’d be here. I don’t imagine many couples begin any differently, but even 6 months in we had a hard time picturing ourselves this bound together for this long. At first it was all fun and games, with no commitment, but with few distractions keeping us apart, (neither of us were seeing other people) we ended up not wanting to be with anyone else. Before we got married, we had times of tumult, where frustrations and insecurities from past relationships came out and caused insane fights. We clashed (and still do) because we are very alike, both stubborn and really enjoy the feeling of between the one in control.

But here we are! I wish I knew of some secret to our “success” (if you want to call 4 years successful) but I don’t think there is one. I think I’ll just list the things that make us awesome.

1. No one is the bitch in this relationship. As I said before, we both love power, and neither of us are ever really willing to back down for much of anything. It keeps things fair and balanced.

2. Weird gifts. We’re both nerds with stupid interests, and neither of us are very romantic. We show our love not with expensive jewelry and lavish dinners, but with showing appreciation for one another’s weirdness. This year, I got him a Firefly keychain (Serenity), and he got me the aforementioned Star Trek Monopoly game and a crystal growing set. Things we can both giggle over and have fun with. We don’t judge one another.

3. When things get scary, we support one another. I can definitely say that for him. When I am terrified and about to lose it, he is has been right there holding himself together just for my sake. I can only hope I am capable of doing that for him.

These last 4 years have been awesome, and I look forward to the future, which will include a larger family, and success that we could only achieve together.  I have said it before, but as hard as it is sometimes, I can’t imagine doing any of these things without Vance by my side.

 

I am so tired, and I can’t squeeze out another coherent thought. I need to hit the hay, as I have 2 appointments tomorrow, and I have work. It’s going to be rough. Night all.