Well everyone, I am glad to report that I finally graduated from Club Pregnant and Fucking Miserable!

Sage 1st picture

On December 4, 2014, a week after my due date, I gave birth to a chunky bean bun named Sage Andrew. He was 9 lbs and 20 inches long, by far the biggest thing that has ever passed through my body. He has ginormous cheeks and a head full of brownish hair. He is perfect.

But he didn’t actually make it home until yesterday afternoon. His birth was completely uncomplicated, and according to the midwife who presided over my (rather short) labor and birth, he made his way into the world very peacefully. He started showing some minor signs of distress, and instead of going home with us 8 hours after birth as expected, he ended up spending a few days in the NICU at Dell Children’s hospital.

I’m going to write everything from start to finish, but right now I’m still recovering. Not immediately being to go home and crawl into my bed after giving birth actually delayed my own physical recovery and made my mental and emotional recovery a bit trying. I also just want to focus on my new baby and our family. Because if there is anything I have learned over the last few days, its that home is where the real joy resides.


Lets go ahead and get this out of the way

So Janette, you have that baby yet?



How are you feeling?

Well that’s sweet of you to inquire. Extremely round, pregnant as fuck, and on the verge of tears.


When you gonna get that baby out of you?

I don’t know. If I knew how to magically make that happen, we would not be having this conversation right now.


Tell him to hurry up!



You’re gonna tell us when you have that baby, right?

Now that you’ve mentioned it…no. I am going to inform everyone except you.









Thankful in 2014

I bitch a lot on this site, I know. I don’t update often, but when I do, it is normally something negative. That can’t be fun to read. People don’t want to inundated with negativity every day even if that is all they seem to want to spew on the internet. Because I don’t want to be a perpetual Negative Nancy, I’ve decided I want to post something positive for a change.

I know Thanksgiving is exactly one week from today, but if I were to wait for next week, I might not get around to it. I might be a little busier than usual. And you know when you feel so positive and happy at one given moment, you have to seize the opportunity to express it? You know, before something gets spilled, or you get a terrible phone call, or a fight breaks out, or you just forget? Well, I don’t want to forget. So here, a week ahead of time, are some things I am thankful for this Thanksgiving.

1. My home. My home isn’t much. It isn’t fancy or expensive, or even on a permanent foundation. It’s small. The entire thing shakes during our washing machine rinse + spin cycle. But its ours. We live in it. We pay for it. There is escrow involved. It is fully furnished and decorated, something I frequently went without growing up. I resented it and swore things would be different when I had my own home. I am an adult now and I am officially able to provide something integral to my own children that I missed out on growing up. Thats pretty fantastic. There is always food in it, it is always comfortable, and it is always full of love. It’s not a dream home, but it is a damn good start.

2. My husband. He’s my partner, my best friend. He drives me absolutely insane some days, but I would not be able to do any of the things I do without his help and support. I really feel like he has taught me so much about myself and the world around me since we started dating almost 10 years ago. I can only hope that I’ve done the same thing for him. He’s an awesome daddy and provider and partner and he makes my world an infinitely better place.

3. My husband’s job. Point blank, without his hard work and dedication, we wouldn’t have any of the things we have today. This past year since he became employed at this job, things have become substantially more comfortable. We’ve been able to own our home, put food on the table, and even expand our family. We’re still working things out, but we are getting so much closer to our goals now than we have ever been. Some things come on their own time with lots of patience and hard work.

4. My babies. Where do I even begin with this one? They are the reason I get up in the morning. They are the reason that I do anything. My heart grew a little more with each of them, and it continues to grow each day. They have such unique and fun little personalities and talents and they amaze me every single day. Deven is incredibly smart and artistic, and none of his abilities has gone unrecognized by his teacher. He LOVES school and is doing so well. Archer is only 3 and is obsessed with music and building his own drum sets and turning just about anything he finds into a guitar. I don’t know this little one inside of me yet. We aren’t even 100% sure of what we are going to call him, but I know he’s going to be just as special and just as loved.

5. Just family in general. Life would be really lonely if it weren’t for family. I’m not just talking about the people to whom you’re genetically tied, but also the people you have chosen to have surround you when things are great as well as when they turn to shit. These are the people you know are going to love and accept you regardless of your mistakes and flaws, and you do the same for them. Not everyone is lucky enough to be born into that much love, some people have to find it or even create it. It makes things better.

BONUS: A freakin holiday dedicated entirely to food.

Surprised boy looking at stuffed thanksgiving turkey.

Even with my due date being the day of Thanksgiving, we are not going to let it stop us from celebrating this most joyous and delicious of holy days. I’m going to be too pregnant to travel, I am NOT cooking a huge meal, and we might not even be here to enjoy a meal or to visit the people we invited over to enjoy it, but we’re going to try and make the best of it. My local grocery store caters Thanksgiving meals, for which we have gone ahead and placed an order that will be picked up the day before. So if I go into labor, I can guarantee my first post-labor meal will be a huge plate of fall happiness. I can’t wait.